SmokeLong Quarterly

She said they will be here in an hour, so what are we going to argue over tonight? He said I chose last time. Your turn. She said what about this: “Did your interfering mother need to extend her annual visit by one whole week?” He said please, don’t remind me. She said well, I could do “You’re drinking too much.” You are so good at offended outrage. He said no, that won’t play because they drink far more than we do. She said if we were taking them out to dinner I could scream “You’re driving too fast.” He said and I could splutter on about “Where did you hear this restaurant was any good.” She said or “You’re tipping way too little—or too much.” He said why don’t we play it by ear tonight? She said the last time we tried that you started off great with the thousands I spent on the privet hedge but then you ran out of steam. He said your garden is such an easy target. She said like your golf clubs in the middle of the floor. He said what about “No more cats?” She said or “Can’t you keep that dog in your study?” He said they were just here a month ago so they’ve heard that one before. She said our friends have all heard them all before. He said yeah, at least they know not to take sides. She said I’m getting tired of this show. He said but everyone expects it. She said do we do this because we find people boring? He said maybe we’re afraid they find us boring. She said oh. So, what about the dead bird? What about Corky? He said You’re still upset about Corky?