Dad says he’s racist against the Italians because the Italians were racist again the Irish first, and Mom says Jimmy I swear to god please shut the fuck up about the fucking Italians, you are fucking Italian, and Dad says well yeah, Sheila and you’re fucking Irish and you ain’t so great either, what about it, and Erin’s not here because she had work (again), but her girlfriend, Darla, always comes to family night and she looks like she probably grew up having nice dinners where no one talked about being racist against the Italians every night and we want to tell her Dad does this because of the Alzheimer’s, but being honest this was a dinner topic well before the dementia, and this shit he gave Mom about being Irish was a whole thing before he started trailing her around the house asking if she was going to the store today, going to work today, could she take him to the park today, could she make a roast today, and Dad’s never been the nicest guy to begin with, he’s always yelled a lot, pointed out if we were getting fat, made fun of us for looking ugly (as if we don’t all look mostly like him), and he’s always telling us our jobs are shitty, our kids are lazy, and listen it’s not like it’s new that he’s sexist against women, Mom in specific, always expecting her to take care of him, even here in assisted living, which Dad calls insisted living because he never wanted to trade their lived in four square for three beige rooms and an accessible bathroom, but Mom still folds all his laundry and makes both beds and picks up his balled up phlegmy tissues, even though the staff say it would be better for him to do those things himself.
Dad asks Darla for the fiftieth time, are you Italian and she says no, still not Irish either, Mr. Catalano, and Darla says but you know, I took one of those DNA tests a couple of years ago and found a great uncle I didn’t know I had on my father’s side, and Darla says when I went to meet him in the nursing home he had this shoe box full of Nazi memorabilia, at first I thought he must have been in World War II, but he said he was too young for that, god then he wanted me to like look at all of this Nazi stuff, he even tried to give me some of the pins and handbills, and I thought it was going to be nice to meet him, he didn’t seem like a jerk over the phone, but he wasn’t nice, you know, and Darla says I didn’t want to be the girl visiting the worst person in the nursing home so I never went back after that, then Dad says Jesus Harold Christ, and Dad slaps the table, and Dad says I hate the fucking Nazis, you know we fought against the Nazis, and Mom says you never fought no Nazis, Jimmy, and Dad says well my dad did, but he was an asshole, not as bad as a Nazi of course, but he did go AWOL with a French woman at the end of the war and leave me and my mom alone.
Dad clears his throat, then says you know, he never came back, and we don’t say anything because he looks like he might cry and we’ve never seen Dad cry and we’ve never heard him talk about his father, it’s like he never existed, and when we asked about him having a dad when we were kids we sometimes would get slapped for it, and Darla says Mr. Catalano, my dad was an asshole too, and he hasn’t been ever been around for me either, so I get it, and Dad says listen, kid I don’t know how I feel about gays getting married, being Catholic and all, but if you marry my daughter that’ll mean I’m your dad, so fuck that guy, anyway you just call me Dad now, and then Dad asks Darla, do you know why I’m racist against the Italians, and she says no Dad, why are you racist against the Italians, and Dad says it’s because the Italian’s were racist against the Irish and my mother was Irish, and Mom says Jimmy shut up about the fucking Italians please, and Dad says Sheila, I heard it’s okay to be racist against the Irish now, and Mom says I’m gonna be racist again you, you prick, and Dad says Nazis are assholes no matter who you are, Nazis are fucking assholes, and Dad says you know I really loved my mother, did you know my mother was Irish?
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“Family Night” is the winner of the fiction competition of A SmokeLong Summer 24.
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