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The Angel by J. David Stevens
"What?" "Random thought. It takes your mind off jumping." "I wasn't going to jump," I say. "Of course not," the angel replies. He's a shopworn angel, middle-aged and prone to coughs. He's been hanging around several days now, intent on preventing a suicide that I've never intended. I ask when he's going to reveal what the world would have been like without me, but he says that jazz is overrated. "Most lives are piss in the bucket," he notes, "if they make the bucket at all. Things happen, or maybe they don't. It's a crapshoot." I would have liked a Hollywood angel, old enough to appear wise and kind, or burly young and buff with thunder. My angel's wings are wrinkled and leathery, eight inches long at the base of his neck. They look like a skin growth. I ask if he can fly, and he shrugs, wings twitching. "I get around." "Looks tough." He nods. "It's easier after the frost, but before allergy season." Upriver, fall has already coaxed the shoreline into umber. My angel looks melancholy wistful, and I fear he's missed the mark with me. I'm no Katie Couric, but suicide? A few more days, and I think he'll pack it in too. "Here's the thing," he resumes. "The real enemy of truth is indifference." "Here's the thing," I tell him. "There aren't better lives, just different ones." He feigns incomprehension, but the spark in his eye suggests a sudden hope that he's pegged me right, after all. "You could pretend to jump," he tries. I shake my head. "It wouldn't be the same." "No, I guess not." Further up the bridge, there's a shriek of car brakes, women screaming. "Did you hear a splash?" my angel asks. But I don't hear half the things he does. He sniffs the air then slings his forearms back over the rail. A barge passes under the bridge. He coughs, brings up some phlegm, and spits at it. I feel like we've reached a point here. It's not simply that I want him off my couch or out of my fridge in the wee hours. I feel genuinely bad for the guy. He's a decent sort, just with a lot on his plate: agnostics, for example, and libertarians. "You're doing the Lord's work," I tell him. But he knows my game and doesn't want that rep: pitied seraphim, God's own nebbish. "Not so much," he allows, as the cars on the bridge resume their aching dance home. "But it's a living." All content in SmokeLong Quarterly copyright 2003-2008 by its authors. |
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J. David Stevens is the author of Mexico is Missing and Other Stories and The Word Rides Again: Rereading the Frontier in American Fiction. His work has appeared in Harper's Magazine, The Paris Review, The North American Review, The Virginia Quarterly Review, The Iowa Review, Mid-American Review, Tin House, ARIEL: A Review of International English Literature, The Prose Poem, and others. He teaches writing at University of Richmond. |
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| Issue Fourteen (September 15, 2006): Everything by CB Anderson «» Twelve Steps Down by Mark Budman «» Hands by Stace Budzko «» A Boy Makes a Bow Makes a Man by Robert Earle «» Chancing by Utahna Faith «» Silver Spur Cafe by Sherrie Flick «» A Few Notes on the Remarkable Sighting of the Bishop-Fish of Smith Mountain Lake by R. L. Futrell «» Spooks by David Galef «» It'll Never Work Out for the Two-Headed Boy by Bayard Godsave «» Utilitarianism by Tom Hazuka «» Vandals by Jennifer A. Howard «» The Four Horses by G.A. Ingersoll «» Carrots and Plum Blossoms by Kit Coyne Irwin «» At the Well by Barbara Jacksha «» The Shanghai Cut by John McCaffrey «» Blank by Peter Mehlman «» The Reunion by Christopher Merrill «» Mullet Man, P.I. by Stacey Richter «» Bruce Holland Rogers by Bruce Holland Rogers «» Tamazunchale by Robert Shapard «» Three Steps for Nunzio by Ersi Sotiropoulos, translated by Kay Cicellis «» The Angel by J. David Stevens «» Translation by Melanie Rae Thon «» Diamond District by Katharine Weber «» Ancestors by Kathleen Wheaton «» Cover Art "Despair" by Marty D. Ison «» Letter From the Editor | |||